Elderly relatives have stopped asking you about your love life.
When you tell people how long you’ve been single, they gasp.
You’ve forgotten what your type is.
You’ve stopped spending proper money on friends’ engagement/ wedding/ anniversary gifts, as you’re pretty sure they’ll never have cause to reciprocate.
Sometimes, even though you know deep down it’s not the case, you wonder if the problem’s that you’ve been batting for the wrong team all these years.
Researching egg freezing/ sperm donors/ surrogates is on your long term to-do list.
Literally everyone you know is now paired off, including your younger siblings and cousins.
You forensically examine all your past relationships in your head while you’re in the shower, and you’re pretty sure you should have stuck it out with your high school sweetheart even though you can’t remember his surname and are pretty sure he’s spent time in prison.
The worst thing anyone can say to you is, ‘it will happen when you’re least expecting it’.
Nights out with friends have ceased to be about anything but meeting someone (although you’d never admit this to anyone else).
You’ve begun to hate people in relationships with an intensity which scares you.
When any of your single friends start seeing someone, they immediately become dead to you.
When people in relationships talk about how much they loved being single, you want to punch them in the face.
You’d prefer to hear a detailed account of someone taking a sh*t than hear one more anecdote about how great their partner is.
When people talk about their relationship you zone out completely.
You haven’t bought sexy lingerie for so long, the sexiest thing in your underwear drawer is from discount store and two sizes too small.
Your parents have stopped thinking you’re secretly gay, and have now resigned themselves to thinking there’s just something seriously wrong with you.
You’ve dated everyone on Badoo.
You’ve stopped correcting people when they assume you’re in a relationship with your best friend.
When Single Ladies comes on, you disappear to the loo.